Thanks to a recent blog by a blogging buddy I’ve decided to not only share my reflections from 2019, but I have decided to blog again. For a long time I stopped blogging, and I am grateful to God and the Universe for Authors like Kiana who not only share their experiences, but also encourage and challenge their readers. Thank you!
2019 was awful! I honestly didn’t enjoy much of it and even as I write this blog I am not sure how I feel about what this year has done for me, took me through, and made me realize. Most of it was ugly, painful, heartbreaking, and gut-wrenching. However, the closer I get to the end of this decade the more I realize how it was all necessary.
I figured the best way to prevent this blog from getting tagged as a long read was to list (just a few and in no specific order of importance) some things that took place in 2019 that have placed me in deep reflection causing a major shift in who I am and where I am.
Realizing that I grew up in a toxic environment full of Narcissism
Learning to create boundaries (mostly with family)
Ending a long-term abusive relationship
Loss of friends
The reflections are as follows:
EVERYTHING in 2019 has forced me to grow up, accept the truth, increase my trust and faith in God, open my eyes, live a healthier lifestyle, work smarter, maintain balance, pursue peace, pray without ceasing, seek mindfulness, and spend less money (hahaha). I am grateful for the results of this “ugly” year and I am all the more grateful to God for not allowing my faith to fail. I am aware that many people don’t survive some of the things that I endured, but I am reminded of my mom’s words one day when I shared with her some trials I was facing.
“It sounds to me like Satan had a discussion with God about you, just like he did about Job.”
I couldn’t fathom for quite some time why so many awful, tragic, and what felt like unfair things were taking place in my life one right after the other. I couldn’t find an answer for what seemed like forever as to why my life was turning upside down. Thanks to deep reflections and meditations I have concluded that I have been on a journey to the place called upside right. Truthfully coming to the realization that before I was even conceived or formed in my mom’s womb God had predestined me with a purpose and calling in which I was responsible for discovering shifted me beyond belief. The more trials, heartaches, and breakdowns that crossed my path the more I fought in faith and prayer. I do not believe that the trying of my faith has ended and I don’t believe it ever will. However, ugly circumstances in this year have matured me mentally and since we all know that the mind is a battlefield, I am expecting a positive outcome no matter what. I believe that this is one of the realizations God desired for me to grasp this year. NO MATTER WHAT a positive outcome is possible, and as long as I remain on this path (although rugged at times) at least I know that I am headed to the upside right.